Fasting, A Spiritual Tool to Feel the Emotions You are Eating
Fasting, A Spiritual Tool to Feel the Emotions You are Eating
Fasting has become more than just a practical tool for my weight loss. It is a spiritual tool that allows me to practice emotional regulation and the art of giving up control.
In September 2022, I met with an endocrinologist to see what approach would make the most sense for my weight loss journey.
A month earlier, I had surrendered to my health situation and began to make small incremental changes resulting in my first ten pounds of weight loss.
One of the significant changes I made in my life was shifting the intentions and mindset driving my health and fitness efforts from trying to fix myself to aligning them with my bigger why.
My health and fitness mission: To live the most extended and most vibrant life possible. To show up for my wife, my kids, and myself with energy, joy, and excitement. - Matthew Maes
A trap I have often fallen into is looking for the “golden ticket” that will save me from all my problems.
Until my moment of surrender on July 31, 2022, every diet I had ever done was an attempt to fix myself. Every time, I had gone into it thinking this was the “magic fix.” I became attached to the diet and its intended outcome as what would fix me and make me happy.
In my moment of surrender, my mindset shifted from “Something is wrong with health and fitness” to “What do I need to heal to be the healthiest version of myself.”
Getting into Action
The truth, however, is that you need more than mindset alone to accomplish your health and fitness goals. You will have to take action to get where you want to go.
The key is how you view those actions.
Are they a fix, or are they just the tool you are using?
This is why mindset is essential to any health and fitness journey.
When I showed up at the endocrinologist's office in September of 2022, I had already shifted my mindset and intention. I wasn’t looking for a fix. In fact, I went in into his office in acceptance of the possibility that he may not be able to offer me anything that would help. I was completely open-minded to any possibility.
When he presented me with my options, I was given the opportunity to CHOOSE what I felt would work best for me based on my values and my lifestyle.
He recommended two things.
First, I take a medication called Mounjaro, a Type-II Diabetes medication that lowers A1C and has been shown to aid in weight loss.
Second, I Choose an eating plan in one of the following categories:
Low-carb (Atkins, Keto, South Beach, etc.)
Fasting (preferably alternate day) or
Whole Food (whole 30, paleo, vegan, etc.)
He explained that all the plans that tend to be effective in reversing type-2 diabetes/pre-diabetes and obesity fall into one of those three categories. That all the plans in a given category are 80 to 90% the same, with their unique “catch” to sell their book. More importantly, each of those eating plans does two things, reduces insulin resistance and creates a calorie deficit.
His advice was really that simple; in less than five minutes, he gave me the answer I had spent my whole life looking for.
I was able to receive it because I was open to feedback. I had accepted where I was for what it was, the facts and not my story.
I chose to go on the medication he recommended, but I didn’t view it as a fix. I choose to view Mounjaro as just another tool in my health and fitness toolbox.
I also choose to pick alternate-day fasting as the tool for my eating plan.
Viewing Mounjaro and fasting as my chosen tools opened me up to see what they were doing for me.
They were quieting the food noise my body was giving me so that I could focus my efforts on the more important thing, the mental and emotional food noise.
Mounjaro and fasting were also doing two other things, managing my insulin and creating a calorie deficit so that I could lose weight in a way that was compatible with my lifestyle.
This is the gift of mindset and acceptance. It opens us up to growth and understanding.
In this space of growth and understanding, I cultivated my capacity for something new - creating a healthy lifestyle instead of taking on yet another magic fix.
My Fasting Lifestyle
I’ve been doing Alternate Day Fasting now for almost a year. It has become more than something I’m doing to accomplish my weight loss goal. It has become my lifestyle.
Each week as I look at what we have planned as a family, I determine which days will work best for me to fast. My goal is to do a total of three 36 to 40-hour fasts. During my fasts, I eat no food, and I drink only plain water, black coffee, sparkling mineral water, or water with a dash of sea salt. I do not add flavor or sweetener of any kind to my food.
This does three things for me:
#1: Creates a calorie deficit while creating higher insulin sensitivity.
#2: It allows me to practice emotional regulation without food.
#3: It lets me practice letting go of control when it’s time to end my fast.
#1: Calorie deficits & insulin sensitivity
The intention of this publication is not medical or scientific in nature, so I will not dive deep into the science behind fasting but only point out its two main benefits related to weight loss.
One, fasting creates a calorie deficit, a requirement to lose weight.
Two, fasting restores higher levels of insulin sensitivity.
The role insulin plays in weight loss is up for debate in the health fitness community; however, based on my experience with weight loss, my endocrinologist’s advice, and the work of Dr. Jason Fung, I believe that insulin plays a significant role in weight loss.
For more information about the science behind fasting for weight loss, I recommend reading The Obesity Code by Dr. Jason Fung or visiting The Fasting Method website.
Dr. Fung explains the science behind fasting and provides detailed guides on facilitating your fasting journey.
In reality, fasting is just a tool for the calorie deficit and insulin aspect of weight loss. It is what works for me and may or may not work for you.
More importantly, in my weight loss journey, I have found that the spiritual aspects of fasting make it a powerful tool for me.
#2: Fasting for emotional regulation with food
Some of my weight loss journey's most stressful or emotional days have fallen on fasting days.
I am eternally grateful for this.
Fasting has created the space for me to become aware of the emotions I would have otherwise eaten.
In this space, I’ve had to learn to sit in the discomfort of stress from work, conflicts with family, and my emotional pain. I’ve had to learn how to regulate how I respond to my emotions.
I have also learned that any addictive behavior will leave a void in its absence.
In that absence, you have three choices. Fill it with something healthy, fill it with something unhealthy, or go back to the original addictive behavior.
As I’ve become aware of emotions I used to numb with food during my fasts, I’ve also observed my tendency to want to cover them with something else.
The absence of addictive behavior creates a vacuum, and if you don’t actively practice healthy alternatives, you will be drawn to fill the void with other addictive behaviors. In my case, I have noticed a tendency to doom scroll on my phone.
Here are some practices I have started to create healthy alternatives and to prevent the void of not emotional eating from being filled with other unhealthy behaviors.
Daily morning breath work and meditation.
Daily yoga sessions.
Cold showers and cold plunges.
Daily texts and phone calls to the men in my men’s group.
Placing my phone across the room when I’m working.
Journalling and writing.
Awareness prompts in the form of sticky notes.
Pausing to breathe in moments of stress.
Writing this publication.
A workout routine.
Reading books and listening to podcasts.
Writing myself daily love notes.
The key is that I am committed to showing up as the best father, husband, and man I can be - in the wake of that intention, my awareness is becoming more and more attuned to when I’m when I am filling the void of not having food to numb out by numbing out with another addictive substitute.
There is one other crucial key to emotional regulation.
The goal is not to be perfect. You are going to make mistakes and lapse.
You will catch yourself mindless eating on an eating day or doom-scrolling on a fasting day.
At some point on my weight loss journey, I realized something huge.
I had been playing the wrong game my whole life.
Before this journey, the game I was playing in life was how do I never become triggered to numb out with food again and control myself to be healthy at all times.
I am playing a new game now.
Now the game I play is — How fast can I become aware that I am triggered in a way that wants me to numb out with food or feeling shame that is evoking my controlling behaviors?
When I realize I am triggered to numb out or feel the internal pressure to push myself, I can respond in that space I’ve created with love and compassion.
Often the most loving action I can take is not taking the next bite of food, scrolling on my phone, or trying to push myself harder but taking the next slow, deliberate breath.
#3: Ending a fast and letting go of control
In the past, one of the behavioral patterns that perpetuated my fat-thin yo-yo cycle was responding to the shame of my numbing behaviors with food by becoming hyper-controlling and pushing myself to extremes with diet and exercise.
I would overcome the feelings of self-hatred that resulted from overeating by making unsustainable health choices. I would become hyper-controlling and take my fitness to extremes. I took on every diet and fitness challenge you can think of Whole 30, 75-day Hard, low calorie, low fat, low carb, Keto, Paleo, and even a potato diet…
Eventually, the feelings of self-hatred would become too painful, and the “grind” of my unsustainable health choices would become overwhelming. I would reach a point of internal capacity and go off the rails.
My life became a never-ending pattern. A yo-yo of extreme diets and extreme unhealthiness. It felt like a Tug-O-War.
This is where following my weekly fasting regimen to the letter has been critical.
Each week I plan which days I will fast, and that plan is always only 120 hours of total fasting in a week.
Anytime I am trying to plan something more than what I have committed to, I know that I am trying to overcorrect for some form of shame that I am feeling.
Every time I get to the planned end of my fast, I am invited to give up on controlling the outcome of my weight loss journey. I have to surrender to where I am in my journey at that moment in time.
When I experience my red flags of trying to overdo my fasts or pushing myself too hard, I am invited to do the emotional work of healing the wound causing me to go beyond my edge.
Closing Thoughts
I will close today with a note I shared with my brothers in the Man Talks Alliance a couple of weeks after I met with my endocrinologist and started my fasting practice. It was the moment I realized that fasting was more than just a logistical weight loss tool for me. This was when I learned that fasting was one of my spiritual practices.
Fasting both sides of the coin
September 22, 2022
I want to share a profound realization I had this week while fasting.
As I shared in a previous post, I saw an endocrinologist early last week, and he put me on an alternate-day fasting protocol. This means I'm doing three 36 to 48-hour fasts a week and not eating on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
This week my Monday fast fell during an incredibly emotionally challenging day. I made a point to be observant of what was happening inside me throughout the day, and I began to notice when I wanted to soothe my emotions with food... I found this incredibly powerful, opening an opportunity to be with emotions I would have otherwise numbed with food.
Even more profound was that on Tuesday, the day I was supposed to break my fast and eat, I learned a family member would be hospitalized (they are okay now). This triggered a cascade of emotions and created disagreements with other family members.
As Tuesday progressed and it came time to break my fast, I became full of fear. I could feel the tension in my body and my legs. As I sat with this, I realized I was afraid to break my fast out of fear of losing control. A fear that once I ate, the emotions and events of the day would be too much, and I would mindlessly eat...
I let myself be with this uncomfortableness for a while. Then I consciously chose not to use control or numbing in this situation. I deliberately broke my fast with a healthy meal. As soon as I ate, I decided this would be my one meal and began my Wednesday fast early.
This experience was a huge moment of growth and awareness. I could see both sides of the coin and respond with loving action from an integrated place of being.