Gratitude is the Ultimate Mindset Reset Tool!
Detach from desire; Surrender to Challenge. In my healing and 117-pound weight loss journey, I have found that practicing gratitude keeps my mindset in alignment with my values.
Gratitude has been a critical aspect of my now 117-pound weight loss journey.
When I talk about gratitude, I’m not just talking about gratitude for only the good things, like my weight loss; I’m also talking about the hard stuff.
In my healing and weight loss journey, I have found that gratitude is the ultimate mindset reset tool. Gratitude keeps my mindset in alignment with my values through the practice of detachment and the power of surrender.
Desire and attachment are at the root of all suffering.
Detachment is the process of letting go of grasping and clinging to the things we are attaching to our happiness — for example, being skinny.
Gratitude has allowed me to let go of clinging to my weight loss successes by connecting me to the bigger why behind them. Each time I bring gratitude to my journey, I see that it is not about getting to a certain weight or looking a certain way — it’s about cultivating the feelings within of love, joy, and peace. It’s about creating harmony in my life.
The avoidance of pain and discomfort can also cause suffering. We avoid or reject what we perceive to be the cause of our pain because we desire not to feel a certain way or for things to be different — we fear experiencing the pain and discomfort.
The problem with avoidance is we don’t make our pain go away or create any lasting change — we delay experiencing it until later and continue the behaviors that cause the underlying conditions we don’t want.
For example, by not dealing with the pain and grief of my mom’s death from alcoholism, I just transferred it to my body in the form of the many pounds I gained. I became further entrenched in my health and fitness yo-yo because I did not want to accept my lifelong way of dealing with pain.
I did not want to accept my cycles of eating and dieting as a form of addiction — like my mom’s alcoholism. There was just too much pain for me to go there.
My avoidance perpetuated my yoyo cycle with weight loss and weight gain.
Until I was willing to accept this truth and surrender to a power greater than myself, the change I so desperately wanted would not happen.
To surrender is an act of accepting what is while simultaneously giving in to a force greater than our own will. A force that connects us to the more profound meaning and lesson behind our pain and struggle.
God
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference,
living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
taking this world as it is and not as I would have it;
trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Gratitude has allowed me to accept what is true about myself and then surrender to the more important lesson behind it, finding myself in the process.
When I asked myself the question, how can I find gratitude in weighing over 300 pounds, I saw that lesson and opportunity that lay before was practicing discipline consistently for a long time because I had so much weight to lose — My yoyo of the past was not an option because to get to healthy weight would take me changing my lifestyle, there was no easy fix.
Finding gratitude for weighing over 300 pounds eliminated my suffering by connecting me to my values and purpose. I began cultivating the feelings that bring me joy long before accomplishing any goal or objective.
Creating a practice of gratitude in your journey will help shift your mindset to align with your values.
Gratitude as a form of detachment…
It wasn’t until recently that I fully understood the true power of showing gratitude for what I perceive as positive.
When we hold what we view as positive in gratitude, we connect to the deeper meaning and feeling behind it, releasing our attachment to the object itself — for example, when I bring gratitude to being able to run again, I connect to the feelings running cultivates in me. If I wake up tomorrow and find out, I can never run again; I can wake up in peace because I am not attached to running. I can move on to the next thing that will bring me those same feelings of aliveness.
This is what it means to be detached — you are not clinging to the people, things, places, and experiences of life. You are merely present to the feelings that arise as they unfold.
Detachment is not that you own nothing; Detachment is that nothing owns you.”
- Bhagavad Gita
The following prompts can serve as a gratitude guide.
Take some time to breathe deeply and bring yourself to a state of calmness. In a journal or on a piece of paper, complete each prompt.
As you go through the prompts, pay attention to your body's sensations.
#1: Today, I’m grateful for…
#2: This is important to me because…
#3: How this makes me feel is…
Gratitude as a form of surrender...
When I started doing a gratitude practice, I focused only on the good things in life. Though this was powerful, as it taught me to appreciate what I have and helped me practice detachment unconsciously, something still felt missing in my practice.
One day I had a thought.
What if I showed gratitude for the hard things in my life? What would that look like?
When I started finding gratitude for the hard things in life, the profound power of a gratitude practice showed up for me. I became empowered when I started focusing on finding gratitude for my struggles and traumas, those things I had tried to avoid or fix.
Finding gratitude for the things I was trying to avoid or fix allowed me to create space for them to exist and to surrender to them. It allowed me to face my pain with an open heart.
We have to face the pain we have been running from. In fact, we need to learn to rest in it and let its searing power transform us.
-Charlotte Joko Beck
When I was avoiding and rejecting the hard things, I was rejecting what is, rejecting the current moment; I was not present.
My ego did not want to accept my reality. It wanted it to be different. When I sat back and found gratitude in those struggles, I gave up rejecting the current moment and became present with reality.
Often when engaging in gratitude in this way, I am presented with insight into what I need to let go of to be happy amid the challenge. I separate from my ego.
For example — Early in my weight loss journey, I took a moment to step back and look for gratitude for where I was at. When I did this, I saw an opportunity to let go of clinging onto the past. I had tons of clothes I was holding onto from years ago — from when I was skinnier. Every time I saw them, I was reminded I was not how I should be. It created tension in me. When I let them go, it made space for me to accept myself at that moment and to face the pain I felt about my current state of health. I found happiness even at the beginning of my weight loss journey.
The following prompts can serve as a gratitude guide in pain or struggle. In a journal or on a piece of paper, complete each prompt.
As you go through the prompts, take some time to take slow deep breaths and pay attention to the sensations in your body, particularly tension and anxiety.
#1: My current pain, struggle, or challenge is…
#2: Where I feel this in my body is…
#3: What I am avoiding or trying to fix is…
#4: What I really desire to feel is…
#5: The lesson this experience is trying to teach me is…
Take a moment to breathe and embody that lesson
#6: I’m grateful for this challenge because…
#7: This is important to me because…
#8: How this makes me feel is…
Closing thoughts
I’ll close today with the journal entry I shared with my brothers in the ManTalks Alliance before I started my weight loss journey. It was the moment I learned to bring gratitude to my pain and struggle - the moment I realized that gratitude could be a form of surrender.
Learning the Power of Gratitude
September 13, 2021
I’ve taken on a daily gratitude journal from Connor Beaton’s four pillars emails.
Today I’m grateful for…
This is important to me because…
How this makes me feel is…
More and more, I find myself writing gratitude for the hard things. Fights with my wife, getting covid, my mom’s alcoholism, etc.
I’m finding that placing my gratitude in the areas that cause me pain or struggle is helping me see the bigger lesson it has to offer and let go of my attachment to it.
Last weekend this had a very big impact on me.
I had been listening to Connors's podcast with Gary Zukav. He says:
“The way to metabolize your pain and trauma is to feel it fully… And as you do this, you will see this is the earth school, part of the universe, giving you the challenges to address the parts of your personality that are preventing you from giving the gifts you were meant to give.” - Gary Zukav - Mantalks Podcast 349
Instantly I was brought to my mom’s alcoholism and addiction. All the pain and trauma I went through as a kid and the pain of throwing my everything into trying to save her when she relapsed in my twenties.
Suddenly I felt gratitude.
I remember when I started doing my work, writing something to the effect of “I ask myself why did addiction have to take you.” I would find myself asking what the meaning of it was.
That day I reflected on my mom’s addiction's impact on my life. I came up with the following:
The purpose of my mom’s alcoholism was to teach me to see the good in someone’s soul, even in the depths of their hell. To give me the experience and wisdom to understand the nature of trauma.
My gratitude entry from that day…
Today I am grateful for my mom’s alcoholism and the pain it brought to my life.
This is important to me because it gave me the experience and wisdom to know the nature of trauma so that I can support my fellow men.
How this makes me feel is awe, peace, and humility.