Motivation Vs. Discipline
Discipline creates motivation through the momentum of cultivating self love...
"Motivation is a feeling that comes and goes and it doesn't matter if it's there or not, discipline is infinitely more important. No matter how you feel get up and do what you're supposed to do, that's it. That's discipline, that's not motivation... If you only did what you are supposed to do when you were motivated to do it, that's leaving it to chance; But if you're disciplined you go do what your supposed to do..."
Last month I saw an Instagram reel with these words and it resonated with the experience of my weight loss journey in deep way...
Today I'm at 80 pounds lost ~ I'm sort of blown away by my transformation because for the longest time I couldn't see it, then one day I looked in the mirror and was like, "fuck, there you are".
Last week I really noticed that my discipline was creating its own motivation. Like an avalanche thats gathering energy as it moves down the mountain, it seems to be creating its own force...
I also noticed that I'm not feeling the "have to's" any more, I'm experiencing the "get to's"... I'm noticing that each day "doing what I'm suppose to do" is beginning to feel natural, like it just is.
I've been noticing that I'm feeling a lot of love lately.
This morning I had this thought...
"Discipline creates motivation through the momentum of cultivating self love"...
Reflecting back I can see how in the past I was scared of discipline. I was scared of it because I mixed up the meaning of discipline with control.
When I’m acting from control there is no room for failure or for that matter love and when I inevitably fail I am filled with shame. This shame creates a wall of fear to take action. And a cycle of doing nothing perpetuates…
Learning that discipline is an act of love that requires MY actions that cultivate self-love has been one of most important the lessons of my life...
This brings me to something I wrote back in February of 2022, when I was still trying to find my way on this journey of discipline... It was one of those moments of surrender that ultimately led me to where I am now...
Am I disciplined or am I at war with myself?
~~~ February 5, 2022 ~~~
I used to think being disciplined meant I had to force myself to do what needed to be done to fix myself. I fought an inner war, a part of me pushing and yelling at the other parts to get in line to win the battle to destroy what was wrong with me. It was an act of self hatred.
It came in the form of doing things in extreme. Not getting the results I want, I'll get up at 4:30 am instead of 7:00 am. Not losing weight fast enough, find some crazy insane diet and follow that. Wife mad at me, dance around on egg shells trying to accomplish every possible chore and task under the sun.
I used to love to run, the pain of the grind. I thought this grind was a form of discipline, two labral tears in my hips later the collateral damage of my inner war keeps me up every night.
The problem with going to war with myself is that I create a state of "armed conflict" inside. War brings destruction, chaos, and pain. Inevitability my other parts would have enough of the inner turmoil and revolt. After every episode of going to war with myself I would spring back in an equal and opposite reaction, inner chaos would ensue and any of the tactical gains would be lost. I would be overtaken by shame.
In the past year I've come to see discipline as a form of love. It is a commitment to do what needs be done to create inner harmony, health, and peace. It is an action in alignment to what is, acceptance of the current moment.
It looks like waking up 30 minutes early to do breath-work and meditation, but doing so without an agenda. Accepting what ever comes up, feeling what ever comes up.
Sometimes discipline isn't fun, it’s facing the inner resistance to do what I don't want to do, but only doing so at my edge.
It looks like going for a 30 minute walk instead of some insane HIIT workout when the only movement I've had for the last six months is my office chair to the kitchen. Its baby steps.
Discipline is picking myself backup with compassion when I slip and fall. It’s viewing each day as an experiment of aligning myself with my bigger vision.
It looks like meditation and reflection when I inevitably fail. It’s feeling the feelings that come up and giving that ten year old boy inside the reassurance he needs. It’s having a structure in place for those parts to come back to, but also being willing to tweak that structure when something doesn't work any more.
Discipline is being flexible and open-minded. A willingness to bend but not break. A commitment to try out new things and accept that somethings just don't work.
It looks like doing five minutes, even one minute of breath work instead of 30 when the morning has gotten out of control. Its giving up the pattern of crazy diets that worked but really didn't.
Discipline is working with my inner parts. Its understanding that the ten year old inside needs be guided not yelled at and forced to comply.
It looks like love notes left to myself in a moment of strength to be read by myself in a moment of fear or frailty, reminding myself of my bigger vision and that I got this.
As I've been working towards giving up the inner war with myself and turning toward loving discipline my life is beginning to transform. I'm steadily working towards my greater vision, but doing so in acceptance to what is, surrendering to the current moment as I go. I am finding peace and happiness each day and in each moment.